God's Not Talking to Me

Last night, Kevin and I bathed the boys, and put them to bed at 8:30. Since it's summer, and since the days are longer, we have gotten to where 8:30 is pretty standard for bedtime. Also standard? The fact that the boys play and chat and get out of bed (and get in trouble) until maybe around 9:30...

So last night, Kevin and I had put them down to bed and retreated to the living room downstairs with Annie. Kevin jumped on the "24" bandwagon just 7 seasons too late, so now that the show has ended (having only watched the final season) we have gotten season 1 from Netflix and are having "24" marathons every other evening. I pulled out my Beth Moore Bible study on the fruit of the Spirit and started to get into it. About 9:15 we had yelled up to the children several times to quiet down and go to sleep. I was getting frustrated. About 9:30 it seemed to be relatively quiet and I thought perhaps they had finally gone to sleep. At 9:50, Judah yells down to me from the top of the stairs... "Mom?" I look at Kevin and roll my eyes and wait. Again, "Mom?...God's not talking to me."

At this point my expression softens, and I holler up to Judah, "What do you mean, baby?" Judah says back, "I keep talking to Him but He won't talk back. He's not answering." I smile gently, hearing the irony in his little statement. I respond to my son, "Well, Judah. God hears you. Every word, and it bring s Him so much joy when you talk to Him. He doesn't talk back like we do, though. He wrote all His words down in a book for us to read-- the Bible. So while He doesn't talk to you like Mommy and Daddy talk to you, God is listening. Go to bed, Judah. We'll talk more about this tomorrow." Judah then says, "Is God pretend?" Gasp! I answer, "No, sweetie, not at all. God is very real." Judah says, "Okay Mommy." His little footsteps fade down the hall towards his bedroom.

Kevin and I exchange a glance. He gives me a little knowing smile and says, "It's harder to be stern about bedtime with that conversation." I laugh, and agree.

Until Judah's faith becomes his own, he will struggle to hear from God. It breaks my heart. And afterward, though he will know it to be true, and though he will listen, there will still be seasons when God seems far away, or worse--silent. I pray that God will grow my children in their faith, so that when those seasons come, they can press on and know that their Heavenly Father is our ever present help, our only hope. I pray the same for myself, that I will be able to model this faith for them to see.

I turned back to my Bible study with a softened heart and allowed the Lord to challenge me to be patient with my children. To use my influence with them oh so carefully-- and to teach them with diligence about our Great God, who does not change like the shifting shadows. Our God who allows Himself to be known.